Art Basel Time

December in Miami means Art Basel. They go together like a shake being used as dip for french fries (it’s a strange combination but a lot of people swear by it, not me). The city becomes filled with artsy tourist, celebrities, assistants, and Brooklyn hipsters (I know cause I watched Bravo’s Gallery Girls). A lot of galleries in Wynwood will update inventory and once again bring out the free booze to entice the audiences. There are also more parties than people during this time and only cyborgs with teletransportation can make it to all the events.

If you are a regular human being, like me, the best thing would be to leave your car behind and use public transit. That way you will be able to avoid the bumper car game that is Miami traffic.

Trolley Trolls:
Fortunately for us all the City of Miami Beach and the Downtown Development Authority have teamed up to create a trolley route so you can make it to your destination without the car stress.

The trolley will operate Wednesday through Saturday from 11:00 AM to 10:00 PM and until 8:00 PM on Sunday. Expect a trolley every hour on the hour, bam! “The designated trolley stops will be located at Midtown Boulevard/29th Street in Miami and at Washington Avenue in front of the Fillmore at the Jackie Gleason in Miami Beach.” (CBS Local)

For the $$$$:
Just kidding but if you have $2.25 to spare for every ride please consider using public transit. There are some great routes that connect Miami Beach with the humble Miami mainland. Let me break them down for you:
Route C: from Downtown bus terminal and Adrienne Arsht Center to 44th and Collins, via Washington then Collins once you pass Lincoln Road. It stops running at 10:00 PM though, boo!
Route M: Get on at the Adrienne Arsht Center and if you fall asleep you might end up at the Mt. Sinai Medical Center. Nice panoramic view of the hell we call Alton Road until Lincoln Road then it rides through Collins. Be careful cause it stops running at around 9:00 PM!
Route S: My favorite route cause it runs 24 hrs! You might have to wait an hour for the bus between 1 and 4 AM but at least your drunk ass will get out of Miami Beach. It goes from the Downtown bus terminal to Aventura Mall, ~*make your own adventure*~, via Alton Road and then Indian Creek Drive.
Route 120: if you are in a hurry then an express bus is what you need. Look! Here comes the 120 not stopping anywhere. It stops running by 10:00 PM so you better be on guard.
Route 2: Honorable mention to route 2 if you want to make it to Wynwood by bus this is the best way to go from Downtown Miami.

For local Miami Beach buses check the Miami Dade Transit website cause I am not familiar with anything on that island, this is a blog not a serious journal man!.

Oh Miami (Beach)!

Steve Berke, YouTuber, entertainer (he means comedian), and political activist, is running for Mayor of Miami Beach.

I’ll leave you his campaign video below but please continue reading because you know I will comment on every second:

0:01 – paid and approved by Berke? One can only hope this joke wasn’t funded by anyone else but him.
0:26 – You know this is good for studying Miami Beach geography.
0:41 – I can’t believe it took this long for the chicks to come out.
0:46 – What’s up with that hat?
1:04 – Pimp my ride much?
1:28 – Rude! What about FIU Panthers?
1:47 – Good to know he wants to clean up the crime, no more pick pocketing!
2:30 – Sky Link say what?
2:54 – Oh Lawd! He was serious about the cable car!! Okay let’s press pause now and discuss this! But first! ANOTHER VIDEO!

I know you are all shitting your pants right now, just like Miami New Times was last week but let me tell you, in my humble opinion of course, why this is the worst public transportation idea EVER!

1. Cable cars are difficult to build and costly, Berke estimates the cost at $200 million, but knowing Miami contractors we can expect at least double.
2. Again cable cars are built where other modes of transportation would ruin the landscape or it is simply impossible to build something else like on a freaking MOUNTAIN or across forests. But this cable car will be crossing over the Miami Port? Ohhh How exciting! Ships that can’t leave because I’m on the way.
3. I’m all for better ways to connect Miami with Miami Beach but $20 for a ride is the same price as a cab and probably not as fast.
4. There has been buzz around the web about Baylink, a plan that was proposed a couple of years ago but never passed. Now that seems like something doable! and fun! and cheap! and no traffic, say what?! Whatever they bring back Baylink every year or so and tease us, then they tell us noo, too much money.
5. MORE MONEY FOR ALREADY EXISTING MODES OF TRANSIT! 

Point is, this dude Berke seems like the perfect candidate for Miami Beach and its residents, just the right fit in my, again humble, opinion. This dude is totally FLYING high and it is no wonder that he comes up with absurd moneypit ideas like Skylink.

Annoyed transit rider out!

SW 1st Street Bridge CLOSED

I forgot write about this even though it has been the bane of my existence since the bridge closed September 3, 2013. 

The SW 1st Street Bridge will be closed for repairs the month of September. All buses will be rerouted, most to SW 8th Street. Be prepared for delays, my usual 15-20  minute ride took almost 45 minutes.

The Miami-Dade Transit app says the bridge will be closed until October 3rd, but the FDOT Miami-Dade website expects it to last at least 40 days. You never really know with public works in Miami. 

SW 1st Street Bridge
Source: Marinas.com

Good luck to all and be safe! If you don’t have to put up with this consider yourself very, very, VERY lucky